The Unexpected side effect of Losing Weight.

After listening to my own clients chatting and reading posts from friends who are into fitness, I have decided to write about a subject which comes up a lot. (Please feel free to share if you have been affected by this type of comment or get these types of comments a lot) It is a bit of an essay, but try to read it all and bear with me.

Firstly as a fitness professional, (and I am sure I can talk for pretty much all other fitness professionals, no matter what area we specialise in) we are not in the business of making people “too skinny” “butch” “Ill” or “sick”, nor do we make it our business to make people look like “drug addicts” or “waste” them away.

We are in the health and fitness business and that is exactly what we do. When people come to see us to lose weight for example, they are doing it for THEIR OWN reasons, sometimes they are health reasons, sometimes it’s because they are not happy with how they look or feel about themselves but the underlying reason is ALWAYS because they are not entirely happy with themselves and want to make moves to correct that.

So my first message is to those family and friends of someone who is either trying to lose weight, get fitter and stronger, going to a gym or class or on a nutritional plan. There is only one thing you should ask that person before making sweeping hurtful comments about how they look to you.

4 magic words that makes the difference between that person knowing you genuinely care about them or them thinking you are a bit of an idiot.

They are “How do you feel?”.

If they answer that they feel great, healthier, less tired, full of energy, feel better in their clothes, are stronger and faster, more flexible and so on then just say you are proud of them and keep any negative comments to yourself.

Be happy that they are happy or trust me you are running the risk of losing them as a friend or someone that they want to spend time with. DON'T try to sabotage their efforts with food and drink, if they say they don’t want Cake, then they don’t want it, if they have had enough alcohol on a night out, that means they don’t want any more.

The feelings of comfort you may get from those things....are no longer the same for them and they have now replaced them with feeling great, working out and understanding what truly makes them feel good.

Now the next message is to all those people exercising, losing weight and eating better THE "NEW YOU" ISN'T ALWAYS A COMFORTABLE THING FOR SOME PEOPLE

So fast forward to where you want to be, or indeed might already be....You have lost weight, got fitter, you have committed to this new Lifestyle. You have worked really hard and you have every reason to be proud of yourself..

There is no doubt, that losing weight can have a significant impact on your life and while most of the effects are positive, there are some unexpected negative ones that may surprise you and in some cases knock you off course.

Losing weight often effect us profoundly, in particular our self confidence (something we really focus on at UU) this usually leads to a change in our Mindset and completely new goals in life (Again something we like to focus on at UU:-))

Here's how it works. I can bet that very few (if any) people said, "I'm concerned about your health, you're putting on too much weight, what can I do to help you?" When you were eating poorly, not exercising and not taking good care of yourself. No one said a word, at least not to your face!

But, the moment you started to feel better about yourself everybody wants to give you advice. "I liked the old you," or, "Oh my god, don't lose any more weight. People are going to think you're on drugs." Or want to tell you what has been successful for you, is wrong and unhealthy.

They might even say you are boring, because all you want to do is go to the gym/training sessions etc.

So here is the Warning - As you go move forward along your fitness journey, be prepared for the backhanded compliments, the unwanted advice and the loss of some friendships. Here are four things you may encounter and need to prepare for:

LEAVING YOU OUT: Now that you've changed, everybody will claim that you have changed and turned into a different person, they may not invite you out as much. Expect to hear things like: "Now that you've lost weight, you're just not fun anymore. "Oh my god, with all of your food restrictions, you're a real restaurant killjoy."

LOST FEMININITY: "Now you really look like a man." This is a common insult to women who have seriously taken up training particularly building muscle. Now that you are getting rid of your bingo wings and have a little definition in your arms, other women will try to steal your thunder by saying that you've lost your femininity.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER: By and large, it's true: Birds of a feather do stick together. Naturally when you do something new, you will meet like-minded individuals and embrace new friendships. These people will become your new workout family, support group and recipe swappers. Some of your old friends may not like these people or have anything in common with them.

INSECURE SPOUSE: Your weight loss may scare the hell out of your spouse or partner. The extra attention you're getting may fan the flames of insecurity in him or her and lead to some irrational imaginings. This insecurity may lead your spouse to somehow believe that he or she is no longer good enough in your eyes. Or worse, the resentment may have your spouse wondering if you have lost interest in them or found someone new.

So, should you encounter any of the stuff mentioned above, take it in your stride and remember that the insecurities and resentments of others are all about them, not you. As difficult as it may be, don't take it personally and don't let them rain on your parade. You should all be proud of yourselves.

Be yourself and be relentless in reaching your goals.